i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
