I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
