Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
