it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
