YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
