If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
His nipple licking is glorious
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