If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
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