But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
