I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
