If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
