I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
