i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
