i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
