woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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