Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Randomize
