I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
