My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
