Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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