I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
