If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
