I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
