I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
