Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Randomize
