So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
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