dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Randomize
