dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
