Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
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