so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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