FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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