I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
