Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
