If i come over, it means nothing
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
