you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Randomize
