i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
