I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
