My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
