i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
