Will you blow on my dice?
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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