she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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