This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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