oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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