I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
