Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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