if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
