We are two peas in an std pod
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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