I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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