mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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