I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
