Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
