She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
