Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
It's not a walk of shame if you run
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
