My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
