So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
