We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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