the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Randomize
